Okay, before I go any further, I want you all to know that I see violence as probably the best (if not only) means to solve a lot of resolutions. Maybe I’m too jaded and cynical, or perhaps I just think that negative reinforcement works best on most primates…probably a little of both actually. At any rate, I wanted to clear the air before I said anything else. Now that we have that established, on with the show.

My wife has a friend that, as of late, has been calling her around the time we go to bed just to bitch and moan about her problems. Problems that are usually of her own bringing. This, of course, makes my wife very angry later on as she doesn’t have a lot of time of her own due to going to Chinese language classes for 8 hours a day. The anger usually leads to my not getting laid, which in turn makes me a less-than-happy camper. And with my aforementioned predisposition to violence, this is not the ideal situation for me to spend my time in.

She always asks me the same question whenever this person calls “Isn’t there any way to get her off the phone?” Telling her you’ve got to go to bed doesn’t work, saying you’ve got an early morning has no effect, and if you hang up she just calls back thinking the two of you got cut off. So, I always propose the same course of action, the neck punch.

“What is a neck punch?”, you ask? If you had to ask that question you’re retarded and should never be allowed to breed. Quite simply, as the name would indicated had you been paying attention, a neck punch is where you punch someone in the throat to shut them up. The reasoning behind this being that you can’t bitch, moan, or otherwise call and wake me up to complain if you can’t breathe. Fairly simple, eh? Yeah, I thought so too.

Of course, my wife never goes for this answer. One, because this person is her friend, and two, because it’d be an eight hour drive just to hit someone in the throat. I tell her that I’ll go, but that never works out because we need the car for work in the morning. Then, it hit me a few days ago. We’ve got online delivery for pizza and consumer goods, why not mail-order ass-beatings? I’m sure they exist online somewhere, but as with real-life butt-kicking-for-hire you’ve got to be little secretive about it.

Anyway, I got a little distracted. My point is that it should be common law that if someone calls you up that late and either wakes you up or cock-blocks you, then you should be well within your rights to punch them in the neck. Telemarketers, survey takers, friends, and family alike no difference is made when it comes to things of this nature. It sets the precedence that you don’t wish to talk that late and renders the caller incapable of talking through coughs and gasps for air.

I know I’ll probably never have my way and the neck punch will never see its way into law, but it’s a thought that keeps me hopeful and comfortable when I hear the phone ring at ten at night. So, if nothing else, just keep this in mind. When you call someone that late, there may be some disgruntled person on the other end just chomping at the bit to have a chance to punch you in the neck.

On that note, I’m going to bed before the phone rings. Goodnight.

So Andrea and I were at the Chinese restaurant today and apparently our waitress had overheard us practicing our Chinese the last time we were in there. So, she starts rattling to Andrea in Chinese, thankfully one of us is proficient in it. I was mostly lost, although I did understand bits and pieces, which made me feel a little bit better about myself as I’m being self-taught at the moment.

All in all it was a little awkward, but nice to see the reactions of not only the waitress but the large party of nine sitting behind us. The lady was very nice and even came from the same hometown as Andrea’s Chinese instructor. So we got his favorite dish (not on the menu) and some good practice with a foreign language.

All in all we scored a free beer that we hadn’t tried before (I highly recommend Harbin Lager), a dish that isn’t offered to everyone, and a copy of the Sing Tao Daily sports page as a parting gift. Admittedly the strangest gift I’ve ever recieve, but it’s not everyday you get a Chinese lady giving you the sports page from a Chinese newspaper talking about how hot it is on the PGA tour.

The entire day has been a bit surreal, but it’s been a blast. Now if I could just manage to swing some of that heat over here I’d be set. These cold days are killing me.

Oh, and if any of you speak Chinese/read pinyin, please forgive my lack of tone marks. It’s very late, I’m very tired, and extremely lazy.

I started using Chore Wars as a way to tally up all the housework I do around here on a daily basis and I’ve discovered that I do a ton of housework indeed. Out of our “party” I’m the highest level at a staggering lvl 9 Paladin at the time of this post, my wife is the next highest at 7. The sad thing is I’ve only been using this thing for a little over a week. I’m apparently a domestic machine.

I’m not sure how, but in between housework, physical therapy, WotG, Bomb Shelter Radio, and work, I still find time to program here and there on my own. Granted, I don’t have much time for the little things like video games, sleep, or much of anything else, but something’s got to give, right? I need to not have so much stuff to do and instead I need to get a hobby of some kind, I think.