Posted by Conor Duffy on Sep 9th, 2009
Flash Runner. Well, it doesn’t win any points for originality, but then we are talking about the world of casual games, so perhaps the direct approach is to be applauded. Before we begin, this is not a Flash game based on Blade Runner; I know the likes of Flash Portal or Flash Mirror’s Edge might have caused you to get your hopes up as you dream of chasing down Replicants in a nightmarish, dystopian future choking on smog and drowning in acid rain, but you can stop that right now and prepare for horrible disappointment. Flash Runner is about exactly what it sounds like: running, then running some more, then stopping. There isn’t actually any plot behind it to explain why it’s so important to run. It’s minimalist gaming, stripping away all the unessential items like story or graphics or fun.
The first thing you do is select the runner you wish to play as. There are only two differences: each one is noticeably faster than the last and only one of them doesn’t look like a reject from a Pokemon cartoon. Once you’ve made your pick you can go straight to a tutorial level.
Here’s where you really see what you’ve gotten yourself in for. The levels are flat, uninspiring geometric shapes with terrible colours vomited on screen. I’ve made more attractive looking things in MS Paint while drunk. Look, I’ll show you:
He’s standing next to a pond.
Sadly, I go back to reviewing the game on Page 2.
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