So it really should come as no surprise, but that extra review I said I might get written didn’t materialise. You’ll have to forgive me, but I had quite the weekend, and when you’re getting cursed out by a drunk lesbian, game reviews are the last thing on your mind.

Anyway, Car-Line. Dear God, how I hate parking games. Indeed, long-time readers of my blog will know just how much I despise these games, so you might think reviewing one, knowing that I already have bad feelings toward it, is something of a cop-out. It’s not like I played it for a while and grew to hate it; I already disliked Car-Line before I even began.

I wanted to give it a shot, however, because unlike other parking games, which just have you driving very slowly through a packed car park, Car-Line instead has you draw your vehicle’s path to its intended spot. It’s not often you find originality of any kind in games such as this, so it was nice to find someone trying something different. It works pretty well, though obviously it requires a fairly steady hand, because you still have to avoid crashing into walls and other cars.

There’s also the issue of parking in just the right spot in order to reach the next level. And I mean the right spot exactly; one millimetre off and you’ll have to reset the level.

That’s parked better than some real cars that I’ve seen, but despite most of the vehicle being inside the yellow rectangle, it’s just not good enough. If I wanted to be told that, I’d talk to my dad.

This demand for perfectionism hurts the fun factor of Car-Line, while the bad techno beat that the developers insist on looping throughout the game simply gives the player a migraine. You know what doesn’t make me hate a parking game any less? Music that makes me want to drill a hole through my temple.

There’s an interesting addition to the parking puzzle later on, where you have to collect a number of tires before successfully parking the car. All the while, other drivers are merrily making their way down the highway, oblivious to your vehicle. It all comes down to timing and economical use of your blue ink, which does have a limit (so no showboating.)

While you want to avoid crashing at all costs, the fact that everything moves at three miles per hour means you never have to worry about your insurance premiums going up. Car-Line can be a very slow game, and even slower if your computer is busy doing other things (which mine always seems to be.) Also, while the animation is perfectly acceptable, it’s nothing to write home about, and at times the paucity of work that was put into them shows.

Take this moment, where another car smashes into mine, complete with impressive crashing sound effect. But I doubt the old jalopy is going to need too much work, seeing as how the two cars aren’t even touching.

Car-Line, despite a few nifty features, is another disappointing parking game. It’s a shame, really, because I would have expected more from Dede Games. I’ve checked out their website and found plenty of titles that are a lot more fun than Car-Line could ever be – though it must be said, most of these titles don’t have the Dede name on them. Clearly, that says more than anything I could write.

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