Posted by Migo on May 16th, 2008
Did you know that not only did Uwe Boll squeeze out the celluloid turd that was the BloodRayne movie, but he managed to force out another steaming food-baby in 2007, named it BloodRayne II: Deliverance, and Hollywood is currently pregnant with his third inbred mutant mistake, BloodRayne 3. Because you can’t have the trifecta from Hell without having three movies that make you want to pull out your eyes with a grapefruit spoon.
As if this weren’t bad enough the Violator of Video Games has set his sights on the Grand Theft Auto series after being refused the rights to World of Warcraft. He thinks he’s the right guy to direct a GTA movie. This is wrong, if for no other reason than the fact that he had his shot with BloodRayne and he raped it in a dank basement under the guise of art. We’ll not discuss what he’s done with his other game-to-movie attempts.
His exploits are so notorious now that even gum makers Stride have offered free gum to anyone who signs the “Stop Uwe Boll” internet petition, providing it reaches its one million signatures by May 23rd. Boll said he would stop making movies if the petition hit one million signatures. This author has already signed it, and I think I can speak for the entire Way of the Geek crew in saying you should do the same.
Left unchecked, Uwe Boll stands to violate every video game we hold dear and even a few we could probably care less about. But what happens when he runs out of video games? Will he start making movies based on movies, or how about Linux: the Movie? Perhaps Devin was right and this is what he have to look forward to from people like Dr. Boll. It’s a scary thought, I know, but if no one takes action it may very well be the future.
Posted in entertainment, games, opinon
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Shawn M.
May 16, 2008 at 3:03 am
I’ve never thought Uwe Boll to be the problem. It’s really the gaming company’s fault when they let him use their property. The makers of Bloodrayne, Dungeon Siege, Postal, etc., obviously don’t care about making their games into good movies.
As for me, I’ve been doing my part for years by not bothering to watch his movies.
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May 16th, 2008 at 9:18 am
I tend to avoid his movies as well, but he still remains a problem that ignoring won’t solve. I’m just waiting until he buys the rights to Monopoly so he can turn Uncle Pennybags (aka Mr. Monopoly) into an intergalactic bounty hunter who buys run down property with his bounties and then builds hotels on them.
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May 16th, 2008 at 10:13 am
The problem goes all the way back to the so-bad-it’s-good Super Mario Bros. movie back in the early ’90s (which, I’m somewhat ashamed to admit, I actually paid money to see) - video games rarely, if ever, translate well to the big screen. The “best” of the bunch has been the Tomb Raider films, but even at that…
I guess the sentiment in Hollywood these days is, if Disney could turn an amusement park ride into one of the hottest film franchises since Star Wars, they can make a movie out of anything. And since video games these days are really not that far removed from being interactive movies themselves (with an ending determined by one’s skill at the game), it probably comes off to them like a natural step forward. More the fools they.
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